Ask me things.
You get to live the life you make for yourself.
This was going to be something of a rant about toxic, negative people - otherwise defined as haters, who, yes, are always gonna hate -
but then I thought, nah.
Mostly I just think it’s weird how unpopular it is to be happy. My life isn’t perfect, I have lofty goals that I’m reaching for, I’m far from satisfied - but that doesn’t mean I have to be all jaded and cynical all the time. I don’t have the job I aspire to in the place I work, but you know, I consider myself wildly lucky to work somewhere I love, and sometimes it just makes me want to skip, and you know I only get to live the one time so who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be ecstatic about?
And I get it. It’s weird to let yourself be happy. It’s scary. It’s scary to realize that you have the power to change your circumstances because then everything is on you and you can’t blame other people any more. But it also means that.. everything is on you. You don’t have to stay anywhere forever. If something or someone isn’t working in your life, it doesn’t need to be there. You’re the person driving, and you get to make up the rules to your life, whether that means drastically changing the circumstances around you or changing yourself within your given circumstances. You get to be in control.
I also get that it’s scary to articulate what you want. It’s super weird to sit down, listen closely, and realize one day that if you said it out loud what you want most in the world everyone might laugh at you -
But I challenge you to articulate it. Articulate it to yourself and others. And if the others laugh at you, get new fucking friends. That’s one step in the right direction.
And so basically, I just want to say thanks to all the people who look me in the eye and say they believe in me, and who really fucking mean it. Thanks to the people who encourage me, who show up for me, who tell me they’re proud of me.
They’re everywhere lately. They’re popping up out of the woodwork. Some are family and close friends, yeah, but others are just - supporters, and those are just as valuable and powerful. (There’s no reason either of them would ever read this, but there are two women in particular I’m grateful for lately. Both have, unbidden, given me their advice and encouragement, and as people in whose footsteps I hope to follow, it means the world.)
I’m so grateful for the community I’ve landed in - a community of people like this, who show up, who encourage each other to grow, who always say ‘yes’ to every new idea, who aren’t afraid to get dirty and fall down and make mistakes, and who always help each other back up again.
That’s how we get stronger. That’s how our art gets stronger, our friendships get stronger. It’s how we connect. That’s how magic happens.
Yeah. I’m really lucky. Thanks.
I’ma be in you Nov. 15-18th.
I feel a little lately like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff.
You know, in a good way.
There comes a moment with most things where you just have to plunge ahead with no guarantee that anything will work out for you or be a good idea, and if you want to do something I guess you just sort of have to do it? Only the one chance, right? And I guess I shouldn’t feel all that freaked out since I’ve slowly but steadily been turning my life upside down since… last November, but I do feel like my ambitions are getting progressively more insane. Which means I am proportionally getting more insane.
Things I am trying to remember - ‘it is never too late to be what you might have been’ ‘your playing small doesn’t serve the world’ ‘you do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. you have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.’
I ask you, though - exactly how do I save an extra $2,400 by February? That’s an extra $600 a month. Over the holidays, too.
Possible? Maybe. Daunting as fuck? Yes.